On turkey, passion and philosphy in the middle of the night

A good belly full of turkey leads to a sense of physical content like no other. Only once my body is satisfied can I turn my focus to my starving mind.

I had it, I lost it. Now I'm looking for it again. Authenticity, origionality these are words that haunt me, making art, proving my true passion to understand. If art imitates life it is also the lens through which we communicate our feelings. Art is a mimesis (a representation. it's a term from Plato) used to invoke our emotions and the best art will evoke emotions with such intensity that it is beyond your ability to control these feelings.

As I search for the answears I only find more questions. A fraud in my own time. Okay I get it, life sucks; t.v., the coporate machine we are being mentaly enslaved with their opressive uniformity. The cynics just like to sit around and complain but no one is seeking change. We're afraid of new ideas, we like the familiar because nothing shocks us. We have stopped creating, we just assimilate old ideas and summarize the past. I feel dissafected, alienated. Drawing anything and everything from the cultural past, I'm afraid there is nothing left to create so I have joined into a philosophy, a lens of perception that creates by how well it examines and samples the past.

It is futile to complain about the contemporary as a mental waste-land because that kind of rhetoric implies that there was a past time when things were perfect. Stop glorifying nostalgia and wishing for a better future or the promise of a perfect world in the afterlife. When you speak of change in this way it becomes an aliby for the allowing the status-quo. We have the unlimited capacity to change our culture and society because we construct culure around ourselves. They say the lag between a radical idea appearing and being adopted by the mianstream is 50 years. Fuck the wait period. Stop putting things off and realise that within each of us is the potential to change and change our culture. Don't drop out of the culture to rebel against it...that's the actvist equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. If all your radical changes happen outside the mainstream how can you ever expect to change the mainstream? Stop and appreciate the circumstances we live in, the tools and capacities we posses to make change, then you will see a diferance.

I am crippled by apathy and my anxieties of proving my passion. I constantly tear up my drafts or refuse to publish them because I'm afraid I have not succeded in my goals. I'm trying to understand how to learn, not what to learn about. The pursuit of knowledge is paramount to achieving a just (civil) society. This generation, my generation, the "echo-boomers" live our lives without focus. We spread ourselves to thin...everyone is a jack of all trades, music, languages, math, science, art, philosophy, dance, sports, kung-fu, drugs, sex, there is nothing we don't dabble in. But we are failing to understand the purity of any of these things, we sample a little fron all of them but the end result is watered down. Please! one thing at a time. Narrow your focus and learn with a sharper acceptance.

I stop myself to think, take a step back from the noise and chaos to become an observer. A stealth philosopher-poet of a new lost generation. Searching desperatly for a reason, a driving force.


*this post was origionaly drafted on Friday October 7th 2005 after a delicious thanksgiving dinner somewhere in the wee hours of the morning but due to technical difficulties could not be published untill today.*

** For those who hve been wondering I am now back together with my computer, it was exactly 2 weeks we were sperated and it was the longest 14 days of my life.**